Sit back and laugh: 7 of the funniest stories told by comedians

Story telling is an integral part of stand-up comedy. Most comedians, in some form, tell stories. Maybe a story comes as a quick aside to further explain the premise of a joke; sometimes it takes the form of an extended tag at the end of a minute-long bit. At times, a comedian will tell a story about his or her day to break up the more scripted part of their set. For most comics, the story is just one of many tools they employ to urge laughs from their audiences. But for other stand-up comedians, telling stories defines who they are as a performer; it’s not a means to an end. The stories are the end. And when a comedian does it right — see Bill Cosby: Himself — this kind of live comedy could be the most satisfying type of art you can take in.

With that in mind, I wanted to list some of my favorite contemporary stories told by comedians and share them with you. Some of you will be familiar with most of these while, for others, these will mostly be new experiences. Either way, I truly believe there’s something here for every taste of comedy. So, sit back and enjoy 75 minutes worth of well-crafted, hilarious stories.

JOSH SNEED: Let’s start off with a good fart story, shall we? Don’t sneeze (or fart) at the concept. Even George Carlin was a huge fan of flatulence humor. So, yes, we shall begin with poop jokes. In this one, from the 2008 album Unacceptable, Josh Sneed regales us with a story about his encounter with pop superstar Jessica Simpson. It’s a metaphor for the concept of dominance and the battle between economic classes. Or, it’s just a fart story.

Josh Sneed -- "Farting On Jessica Simpson" by Laughspin

LOUIS C.K.: As a parent of a nearly three-year-old and a newborn, I take great comfort in Louis C.K.’s parenting material. And this track is no exception. From his newest album Hilarious, released in January, Louis C.K. thankfully tells us way too much about a cookie-related fight he had with his younger daughter as well as a story about some messy bathroom business.

Louis C.K. -- "My 3-Year-Old Is A 3-Year-Old" by Laughspin

JOHN MULANEY: In your youth, did you ever fuck around with people in a public place– because, you were simply bored and were a bit of a wise ass? Sure, we all did. Or at least, we all tried. My friend Joe once took a dump on the street outside my friend Mike’s house and led Mike to believe it was dog shit. Hilarious, right? Subtle? No. But John Mulaney and a friend were more subtle than a street shit when they decided to use music to terrorize diner patrons.

John Mulaney -- "The Salt and Pepper Diner" by Laughspin

TIG NOTARO: I was lucky enough to catch Tig tell this story at Bar Lubitsch in West Hollywood nearly a year ago. So I was super excited to see it pop up on her newly released album Good One. A master of pacing and timing, Notaro turns some chance encounters with 1980s pop star Taylor Dane (“Tell It To My Heart) into a surrealist piece of art.

Tig Notaro -- "Taylor Dayne" by Laughspin

DANE COOK: Dane Cook’s 2009 album Isolated Incident found the hugely popular comedian in a much more personal and, at times, darker space than in years past. Both his mother and father had died somewhat recently before the recording and while most of the album maintained the levity Cook’s known for, he surely didn’t shy away from getting in touch with his anger. This story about how he handled a single piece of hate mail makes me smile every time I listen to it. Sometimes redemption can be funny.

Dane Cook -- "Haters" by Laughspin

MIKE BIRBIGLIA: Arguably the best comedic storyteller today, Mike Birbiglia delivers a perfectly-balanced recalling of the time he was invited to perform at the MVP Awards for Major League Baseball. If you know even a little about Birbigs, you know he doesn’t exactly feel at home around a bunch of millionaire jocks. And so classic, hilarious awkwardness ensues. This track is the last story he tells on his 2007 album My Secret Public Journal Live.

Mike Birbiglia -- "Roger Clemens Hates Me" by Laughspin

RON WHITE: Like Birbiglia above, Ron White has come to be known as a guy who almost only tells long-form story jokes. And he’s amazing at it. The story below is no doubt his most popular, as it explains the origin of his nickname “Tater Salad” as well as references the title of the 2003 album on which it was first released, Drunk in Public.

Ron White -- "They Call Me Tater Salad" by Laughspin

5 Things Comedians Need To Stop Doing On Facebook

Facebook is an incredibly powerful tool and a great asset to any comedian’s career, but unfortunately too many comics have picked up a few bad habits when it comes to using the social network.

Here’s a few things you should stop doing on Facebook because they’re ineffective, counterproductive, and often times just plain annoying to your fans.

1. Stop Sending Event Invites To People That Don’t Live In Your City

Just because you have the ability to invite all of your fans to your show next weekend, doesn’t mean that you should. Like most people who are fans of comedians on Facebook, my inbox is flooded with event invites from comics who are performing thousands of miles away from me.

If you’re sending out an event invite, take a moment to figure out exactly who you want to send it to so you don’t bother people who don’t live in the area of the show and clearly aren’t going to attend. If you don’t, and you just continue to spam people with those invites, they are very likely to block you or even un-Like your page.

Sending out pointless invites actually carries a lot of risk (it will cost you fans) for no reward (somebody that lives thousands of miles away isn’t coming to your show no matter how many invites and reminders you send).

2. Stop Auto-Posting Your Tweets On Facebook

I’d recommend not auto-posting anything on any social network – it looks sloppy, lazy, and sends a message to your followers that you can’t be bothered to take an extra second or two to actually post the tweet or Facebook update manually.

But one thing you definitely don’t want to auto-post to your Facebook profile is your tweets. Twitter and Facebook are completely different mediums, each with their own rules, strengths, weaknesses, and language. Way too often I see comedians posting Facebook updates that include references to @profiles, hashtags, retweets, and other Twitter-specific details. These posts are great on Twitter, but on Facebook they’re just spam.

Again, doing this can actively hurt your Facebook presence because every time you post a meaningless update you increase the chances that your fans will ignore your future updates and you increase the chances they’ll stop following you. If you’re too busy to take a moment to post a Facebook update without auto-posting, then you probably shouldn’t be using Facebook in the first place.

3. Stop Begging People To Do Things For You

Here’s a big misconception that comedians have about Facebook – its purpose isn’t to give you a way to ask your fans to do you favors. It’s actually quite the opposite – people follow you because they believe you’re going to provide value for them and not the other way around.

It’s one thing to occasionally provide opportunities for your fans to help you out with something, but way too many comedians’ Facebook pages read like a stream of them begging for favors.

Vote for me in this contest, share my video with your friends, come see my show, get more people to Like my page, etc. People didn’t Like your page so they could become your employee, so stop begging them to do your work for you. Instead, figure out what you can do to help them and see how that works out for you.

4. Stop Hiring People To Update Your Facebook Profile For You

Even though I work with lots of comedians to help them develop a good strategy for using Facebook, one thing I’ll never do is actually run their profile and post updates for them (and you wouldn’t believe how many successful comedians have tried to hire me to do so for them).

If you’re a comedian and a professional content creator, why on Earth would you then outsource the creation of content (even 140-character at a time content) to somebody else? Isn’t that supposed to be your expertise?

Don’t turn your Facebook page over to your publicist, manager, or whatever social media guru offers to run it. Fans aren’t that dumb – they can tell when you’re the one posting and when you’re not.

5. Stop Repeatedly Suggesting I Like Your Page

It’s one thing to suggest to your personal friends that they Like your new fan page – that’s actually a good thing to do. But do it once. Or once every few months. Don’t do it once a day.

This is another thing too many comedians beat to death as they just continually suggest their friends Like their page which is again, basically another form of spam. If you’ve suggested that I Like your page and I haven’t taken you up on the offer then maybe instead of suggesting it again, you should take a moment to consider why I turned down your invitation.

It’s probably because I looked at your page and saw that you’re doing the top four things on this list and I decided I wanted no part of that…just like most people do.

Gabriel Iglesias Goes on Stand Up Revolution Tour!

Stand up comedian and actor Gabriel Iglesias is ready to pack his comedy skills and all his jokes and start his new stand up comedy tour. The Stand Up Revolution Tour debuts at MGM Grand Hotel and Casino during Mexican Independence Day Weekend September 15 - 18.

Gabriel Iglesias is an actor and stand up comedian known especially for his shows I’m Not Fat… I’m Fluffy and Hot and Fluffy. He also appeared on the Galavision TV show Que Locos! and guest-starred on the ABC sitcom My Wife and Kids and the Fox TV animated comedy Family Guy.

Gabriel Iglesias’ shows are scheduled on Thursday, Sept. 15, Friday, Sept. 16 and Sunday, Sept. 18 and will begin at 9 p.m. The Saturday, Sept. 17 performance will begin at 10 p.m.

Comedians rally in support of Jerry Lewis

Jerry Lewis' separation from the Muscular Dystrophy Association is not a laughing matter for some comedians.

Paul Rodriguez, Larry Miller, Tom Dreesen, Norm Crosby and others have joined in support of Lewis, the 85-year-old comedian who the MDA said is no longer its national chairman and will not appear on this year's telethon. The Tucson, Ariz.-based association announced earlier this week that the organization was parting ways with him after 45 years.

"If this is the way we're going, we should also tell grandpa we don't need him for Thanksgiving," joked Miller.

The funnymen told reporters gathered at The Laugh Factory comedy club Friday in Hollywood that they want the MDA to feature Lewis in some capacity on the upcoming telethon. At the very least, they said he deserves a proper send-off on the show he made famous. Rodriguez said Lewis should be brought back in a limo and "given the accolades that he deserves."

"He's not dead," said Rodriguez. "He's very much alive."

The comedians said they hadn't spoken with Lewis since the separation was announced, but Laugh Factory owner Jamie Masada said they supported Lewis "regardless of why he was dismissed." Dreesen speculated that the MDA told Lewis that he would be phased out of the telethon, and the group was fearful of what Lewis would say during the six-hour broadcast.

There's no way they would give him the microphone for five minutes," said Dreesen.

MDA spokesman Jim Brown declined to say what prompted the decision. Lewis publicist Candi Cazau of Las Vegas also declined to comment. She said on Thursday the comedian was traveling outside his home state of Nevada. Lewis previously said in a statement issued through the association in May that he would make his final appearance on the Sept. 4 telethon.

Preparations for the 46th annual telethon are under way as planned at the South Point Hotel, Casino and Spa in Las Vegas, where the event will be held, said casino spokesman Tom Mikovits. He said the MDA telethon, which has been broadcast from the South Point since 2006, makes arrangement with the event venue on a year-to-year basis.

Comedian Jerry Lewis Thinks American Idol Is Super-Sized Garbage

Well, Simon Cowell certainly wouldn't have found this funny.

Comedian Jerry Lewis took to the stage during the Television Critics Association press tour and, instead of dishing about his Encore special The Method to the Madness of Jerry Lewis, he spent his time dissing American Idol.

So what's Jerry's connection between Ryan Seacrest and the Hamburglar?

They're both nasty by-products of McDonald's!

"The kids who are on American Idol, they're all McDonald's wipeouts," Jerry bitched. "They've all been dumped. They've worked there and now they're doing that. And of course they all play a guitar, which takes the place of music."

And the Idol juggernaut isn't the only reality franchise taking fire from Lewis. Jerry also sniped at The Biggest Loser, saying:

"Proctor & Gamble says, 'Are you nuts? You want me to spend $1.6 million for that variety show when I can get the fat lady to lose weight for $62,000. Let's go with that one. We'll call it reality,' And that's what they've done…Who cares?"

Uh, only like millions of viewers who tune in to each series weekly. But that's beside the point to Lewis.

"The industry has destroyed itself," Jerry ranted, later explaining: "We don't have the soul in our industry that we had when I was working. And the soul has been desperately deteriorated, only because you got a guy that's running a network whose aunt died and left him some stock."

But the fact that he isn't a fan of the reality TV craze doesn't mean Jerry is totally giving up on the boob tube.

"I love the industry," he gushed. "I don't allow people in my family to use the term 'TV' around the house. It's television. It's a miracle…. When I watch it, I want it to grab me. I want it to be like I ran home and I made sure to be there before Law & Order went on."

But the question is, did he mean Law & Order: SVU or Criminal Intent? Or maybe Trial By Jury?

Oh well, we'll just have to agree to disagree. We still love our reality TV—sorry, Jerry, we mean reality television.